Post by Poor Richard on Jan 3, 2021 12:08:26 GMT -7
GLA Debates What Year We are In...
Was it all a Dream?
At the latest Glastonbury Landowner's Association (GLA) monthly meeting, a lively debate broke out when an earnest landowner asked the Board if the 2020 Annual Election would be held in 2021. "We are a few days into 2021 and I would like to cast my vote" she quietly said. Director Mizzi snapped at the landowner saying "Are you a mathematician? How do you know it is 2021?". Taken aback, the landowner retreated to her seat and privately wondered why she thought the year was 2021. Director Dubiel chimed in on the matter. "The Mayan calendar ended in 2012" he stated. Since then the years do not exist". Then he went back to playing with a sparkling ball point pen that had three different colors of ink. Director Dobrowski pulled out an even nicer pen that changed colors like a rainbow when he twirled it. Together they played tic-tac-toe while the Board debated what year it was.
President Newman sat at the head table and his right leg started to twitch. One leg was crossed over the other in a manner women and eunuchs find comfortable but well hung men, find painful. The GLA Treasurer John McAlister looked bored and slightly irritated. He shuffled his papers in quiet frustration. Director Ladewig, a retired woman who retained her youthful looks and vigor, tightened her face mask and then sanitized her hands. She was social distanced and safe for now. She was generally quiet and was the one person in the room who was most likely to become a centenarian. Director Brockett pulled out a roll of currency from his suit coat pocket and quietly separated the ones from the larger bills. Director Mizzi enviously glanced as Brockett stuffed the bigger denominations back into his pocket. While waving a stack of ones, he patiently stated "I have 21 one dollar bills. I'll show you what year it is". Director Accantino with great soulful emotion blurted out "This is like salt water and fresh water. The years do not mix". Then she revealed "Being on the GLA Board is a really painful experience. I am taking many natural anti-depressants so I can function as a Director". Many looked puzzled as Director Accantino contributes very little to the often arduous and sometimes overwhelming work done by some Directors. Non-landowner and Road Chair John Carp, contributed with "Standish wrote 2021 on the invoices he gave me. I trust Standish." No one quite knows how much money John Carp has spent on Glastonbury roads in 2020 but the total is known to be way over budget. Many invoices have large and unapproved cost overruns or dubious charges. John Carp then went back to showing Treasurer John McAlister photos of a new Hummer he recently purchased. The newest Hummer model has a list price of $112,000.00.
President Newman sat at the head table and his right leg started to twitch. One leg was crossed over the other in a manner women and eunuchs find comfortable but well hung men, find painful. The GLA Treasurer John McAlister looked bored and slightly irritated. He shuffled his papers in quiet frustration. Director Ladewig, a retired woman who retained her youthful looks and vigor, tightened her face mask and then sanitized her hands. She was social distanced and safe for now. She was generally quiet and was the one person in the room who was most likely to become a centenarian. Director Brockett pulled out a roll of currency from his suit coat pocket and quietly separated the ones from the larger bills. Director Mizzi enviously glanced as Brockett stuffed the bigger denominations back into his pocket. While waving a stack of ones, he patiently stated "I have 21 one dollar bills. I'll show you what year it is". Director Accantino with great soulful emotion blurted out "This is like salt water and fresh water. The years do not mix". Then she revealed "Being on the GLA Board is a really painful experience. I am taking many natural anti-depressants so I can function as a Director". Many looked puzzled as Director Accantino contributes very little to the often arduous and sometimes overwhelming work done by some Directors. Non-landowner and Road Chair John Carp, contributed with "Standish wrote 2021 on the invoices he gave me. I trust Standish." No one quite knows how much money John Carp has spent on Glastonbury roads in 2020 but the total is known to be way over budget. Many invoices have large and unapproved cost overruns or dubious charges. John Carp then went back to showing Treasurer John McAlister photos of a new Hummer he recently purchased. The newest Hummer model has a list price of $112,000.00.
Brockett made two rows, of ten each, one dollar bills on the table. "See", "Ten ones and ten ones make twenty" he carefully explained. The scratchy and somewhat ephemeral voice of Director Andrea Sedlak crackled over the cell phone line. No one has seen her for over a year but she calls into every meeting. Some people think she died mysteriously and her husband Mark is impersonating her. But that is another story. Andrea said "Yes, 10 plus 10 equals 20. I have a PhD and I know that". McAlister rolled his eyes and was thought to have said "A PhD in what? Social work?" Under his breath he seemed to add "I have one too and it is in Biochemistry". Somehow Andrea Sedlak or whoever was impersonating her, sensed McAlister's comment. She added "I have been Vice President of my own company for 35 years". That left a few people wondering who the President was and why would anyone want to be VP of a company they owned and for 35 years. Never a promotion? Not missing a chance to toot her own horn, Director Mizzi piped up "I was the mayor of Jersey City and oversaw budgets that were worth millions of dollars". Most Directors did not know that the mayor unexpectedly left town and made Mizzi acting mayor for a day when the FBI arrived with a few questions early one morning. The investigative local newspaper, The Jersey Journal, found the ex-mayor hiding in the Catskills the next summer. The FBI located him and proceeded to sequester him in Manhattan until he ratted on everyone. Shortly thereafter Mizzi moved to the far flung hills of Montana to become a priest.
Undeterred, Director Brockett continued. "Look" he said, "If I add one more dollar bill to the two rows of ten on the table, I now have twenty-one dollars". "Thus if we add one year to 2020 we are in 2021" he concluded. "No" Accantino screamed "That is like changing horses in mid-stream". "That cannot be done". Newman's right leg started to twitch faster and he proceeded to scratch his face. Dubiel look dumbfounded. Director Erica Stone rested her head on the table, face down, in exasperation. Her long, meticulously braided coal black hair curled next to her. Stone was new to the community and the Board. Like a gentle and warm spring breeze, she drifted in from the south and found peace and tranquility in her new home in Glastonbury. In another place and time Erica had the ability to bring forth beautiful spring flowers from a fresh, moist earth. On the GLA she was quickly scorched and sapped of energy by the angry and parching winds, that constantly engulfed all rational discussion. Mizzi raised her voice and started to bellow "we need an attorney's opinion". She waved her arms like a beached Walrus swings it's flippers. The chair she was sitting in groaned and creaked under her shifting weight and I thought the floor might give way at any moment. Newman immediately agreed with Mizzi's demand and the attorney was summoned. Newman handed him a check from landowner's funds and then the pompous lawyer started to speak. "Montana law does not address what year it is but I have studied your Governing Documents carefully and can tell you that any decision you make will stand up in court" he exclaimed. Then he added "of course it will only stand up if I defend you". Then he took his $500.00 check, neatly placed it in his bulging wallet and left the room.
President Newman was next. "The attorney has spoken and we must accept his word" he stated. For a moment his right leg stopped twitching wildly. Director Ed Dobrowski spoke up "If the attorney said it was true then shouldn't we all do what the attorney said?" Ladewig shot back "Ed you resigned, you are not on the Board". Ed replied "I can do whatever I want and if you don't like it then you can sue me." Dobrowski has a history of resigning his positions and suing the GLA Board. His Mom, Clare Parker, was in the audience and she defiantly stated "You mean and evil woman". "You leave my boy Eddie alone or I'll start a petition to have you and the other dark forces removed from the GLA Board". Mizzi added confidently with a nod, "We need more harmony on the Board" and then winked at members of the audience. Some smiled back and Mizzi fluttered her one inch long and slightly misaligned false eye lashes in return.
Director Dirkers, who was busy studying the Articles of Incorporation and Bylaws from a thick binder, suddenly spoke up. "Our governing Documents do not address what year we are in" she confidently and calmly said. "But the Restated Bylaws do offer an option for 5% of the membership in good standing to petition the GLA Board for a Special Meeting of the Members to resume the 2020 Annual Election". Dirkers has a long history with the GLA and is a seasoned and battle savvy tigress. Accantino who was quietly boiling then popped her cork. "This is a plot to overthrow the church" she screamed. "I am so tired of all the anti-CUT (Church Universal and Triumphant) talk in this room" she continued before drifting off into mumbled baby talk. Flapping her arms wildly, Mizzi bellowed "This is unconstitutional and religious discrimination". Newman then reminded Mizzi that the GLA was a corporation and as such Directors did not have First Amendment rights. Director Sedlak agreed, but then said "Newman you really must follow the Bylaws. If we do not follow them why should we even have them?" Sedlak and Newman successfully collaborated in 2019 to banish Director's Freedom of Speech by creating the infamous Rule 2.01. Mizzi continued to bellow "We can do whatever we want. The Covenants say that and it is the way we have always run the GLA". Quietly John McAlister was wondering if he had died and gone to hell. Director Erica Stone was practicing her escape and vowed to herself to resign from the Board and never attend another meeting. Brockett was left wondering why some people could not understand why twenty plus one equaled twenty-one. Maybe he should try a simpler approach he reasoned. Gerald and Ed continued with their play. They lost track of the score when the total exceeded their combined number of fingers and toes.
A puddle of water was forming at Newman's feet when he asked for a Motion to accept the esteemed attorney's advice. Gerald stumbled through the motion with assistance from Newman. Accantino voted Yes but then was reminded that the motion had to be seconded before votes could be counted. Director Mizzi seconded the motion and then Accantino again voted Yes. As did Newman and Ed. The other five, the dark forces who Clare Parker threatened to expel, all voted No. Once again the GLA Board was deadlocked and no action could be taken. The entire debate lasted over 2 hours and nothing was accomplished.
Newman asked if any more landowners wished to speak. The audience appeared shell shocked and was speechless. Some had already left. Other seemed frozen in their chairs, unsure of what to do. Jaws were slack and eyes glazed. Fists were clenched. The Board members were just getting started though and knew a long night remained before they could go home. The first two hours was just a prelude to the battles that would rage past midnight.
Newman declared that it was time for the President's report. He then went on a rambling monologue about how well the GLA was doing and how much they had accomplished in 2020. Nobody really knew what year it was or cared. Mizzi was plotting her next adventure. She was thinking about an anonymous letter she could send to landowners that looked like it came from the GLA Board. Accantino was in on the scheme and and the two shared quiet conversation. Accantino kept her other ear tuned to the Board conversation and remained vigilant for anti-CUT whispering. Gerald and Ed were engaged in their 75th game of tic-tac-toe. Others just wanted to get out of the lunatic asylum they were in and go home to sleep it off and try to forget. But they knew that was impossible. No sleep would come to them tonight. Like previous GLA Board meeting nights they would lie awake or toss and turn. If lucky, they might catch a few winks just before dawn and greet the new day with utter exhaustion.
Several Directors behaved like the immature children in Lord of the Flies, a 1954 novel by Nobel Prize-winning British author William Golding. That book focused on a group of British boys stranded on an uninhabited island and their disastrous attempt to govern themselves. Themes included the tension between group think and individuality, between rational and emotional reactions, and between morality and immorality.
Then I awoke with a start. Was it all a dream? A nightmare? Could I possibly imagine such a trip over the river Styx through the fires of hell? I shuddered and could not be sure, but I wrote the article anyway. At least I know that is real. The rest I will leave up to you, my dear reader. As always, you are invited to draw your own conclusions and make your own judgement.
Best Wishes for a Happy New Year.
Your faithful servant,
Poor Richard
